Friday, November 30, 2012

Isn't "dumb blonde" a peroxymoron? 

Thanks, UnKNOWN PUNster ( for posting this.  It suits me to a TEE!!!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Dingbats ROCK!

I'm such a dingbat (though I'm sure you never would have guessed if I hadn't mentioned it now, would you 've?)...

I got a new car in May.  Mother's Day weekend.  Mine had reached a point that it was going to cost far more to repair it than it was worth.  So, lets head down to the Credit Union and see what they have available from the rental company sale.  Mini van?  Sounds great!  What, another couple is test driving the one that we want?  Sure, we'll take out this crossover SUV instead.  Wow! This is really nice!  Lets do some quick research.  Looks good.  LOVE the car.  Can we get it?  Cool!  We're approved?  Awesome!  Hours later, finally driving away with my new vehicle.  LOVE it! Totally!

That was a Saturday.  The following Wednesday....

I have one of those handy-dandy key fobs.  You know the kind I'm talking about:  press this button to lock it, press this button to unlock it, press it twice to unlock all of the doors.  Press this one to unlock the trunk.  They told us that they would send the extra key in a couple of weeks, so don't lose this one.  OK.  I won't.  So, I drop my son off at school, then stop at the grocery store.  It was my sister-in-love's birthday, and she has always wanted a globe willow.  Lookee here!  They have globe willows on sale at the store, at an incredible price!  I better get one for her before they're gone!  Pay.  Carry it out to the car.  Unlock the trunk with the new fob (not the side doors, since I'm heading back in to buy some groceries).  Adjust the seats so that the tree fits (I have to lay it down).  Awesome!  It fits!  Time to go back in.


Oh, crud...

I left my key inside the trunk.  I had it in my hand, and didn't put it into my pocket.  Now what?  Keep in mind that we only had that ONE key.

I call my friend, who picks me up at the store.  I only have the one key, so there's no sense calling the hubby.    We don't have AAA or other road side "oops, I locked my key in the car" service.  I really don't want to spend a bunch of money to have a locksmith or tow-truck driver break in for me.  What the heck am I gonna do?

Fortunately, I left the window down about 2".  Unfortunately, the car is new enough that the locks are the flippy-kind in the side of the door (not on top of the door, where you can hook a hanger around it and pull it up).  The car is also quite wide, so I don't think the broom handle through one window will reach across to the other door to flip the lock.  Enter McGuyverMe.  At home, I grab duct tape, the flag "pole" for my son's bike trailer, and a 48" wooden dowel.  My friend and I head back to the store, laughing all the way.

Oh -- just for grins, I'm also parked in the very first space, directly out the doors of the store.  High visibility, right?  :)

So, I use the flag pole to try to reach through one side window, across the car, and (hopefully) snag the lock & pop it.  It's too short.  Next, I duct tape the dowel onto the pole, to make it longer.  That works, but it's too flimsy -- the pole keeps bending.  Next, I wad duct tape onto the end that I'm trying to use to flip the lock, hoping maybe I can 'catch' it -- sort of like fishing.  I keep trying, and trying, and trying....

Meanwhile, my friend is inside the store, looking for two types of things:  #1, items to try to hook the lock & flip it, and #2, the most "criminal-looking person in the store -- they'll know how to break in!"  Would you believe, she was successful?  She's standing there in the store, with a flyswatter in her hand, hoping to find a wire hanger, when another friend walks up behind her and gooses her!  

My hero!

Gooser-girl's hubby used to be a tow-truck driver, and they just happened to have a nifty kit with all kinds of fun tools for just such an occasion.  As luck would have it, she had driven the truck with the kit in it THAT VERY DAY!  So, she goes off to get the kit.  

Keep in mind that we're right in front of the grocery store, and that using such a kit is questionably (il)legal.  

We've been working on breaking in for almost an hour at this point.  Maybe even two.  (It was probably more like 30 minutes, but it felt like FOUR HOURS!)  People keep asking if we need help.  Duh!  Of course, but you're crazy if you think I'm going to admit it NOW!  No matter how hard we try, nothing seems to be working.  I'm mortified!  How do I go about telling my hubby, and all of my co-workers & neighbors & friends, and my KIDS, that I locked my only key in my car only 4 days after getting it?  How embarrassing!  Sheesh!

After another 5 hours (minutes), a nice gentleman, covered in tattoos,  with his little blonde kindergarten-age boy (who happened to be carrying a barbie doll with no head, but that's another subject all together), comes along and offers to help.  Relieved, my two friends quickly accept, and in no time at all, he has my car unlocked.  Of course, because no key was locked, the car horn & lights begin protesting loudly.  I quickly hop in, throw the seat forward, reach under the tree pot, and hit the "unlock" button.  

Blessed peace.

Do I have a point to my story?  Not really.  I learned not to unlock the trunk of the car ONLY, but to unlock at least the driver's door as well.  I also learned that a platinum blonde mom can quickly make new friends by acting as dorky as she feels when she does something (stupid) brilliant.  And, I learned that, when you drive off and leave the roll of duct tape laying on it's side on the hood of the car, that it won't go anywhere because the stickiness oozes out the sides of the tape, adhering it to said hood.  (Whew!)  

Finally, I learned that I truly am a platinum blonde mom....


This post is dedicated to my dear neighbor-friend, my hero-friend, and my new guy friend.  Oh, and new guy friend?  I'm sorry I didn't have any cash to give you for rescuing me, because you really need to get your son into therapy!